Monday, December 22, 2008
Day to day challenges
Why is it that I am painfully insecure around people I know and love. Yet I can be confident around people I don't. Maybe cause if they don't really know me, I can pretend to be anyone I want. Put on the air of something more. Try on a new hat and see how it works. I'm scared to death that the people I do know and love are so critical of me that I'd much prefer to just BE. Not talk, not express opinions, not draw attention. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be transparent and have nothing at all to hide? How freeing and pure. Isolation feeds on itself. What a ridiculous rut to have to dig myself out of then. Constant and pessimistic. I am capable of being so much more than just this. But my pain is volatile and deep and nothing that I can share with another being. I hide the dark truths and try to find a way to justify not bringing it to the surface. Meditation and breathing exercises are one of the few ways I find momentary balance. Is there anyone else out there? I wonder what it would take for me to talk. Even if you asked and confronted me, I'd lie. I think it's killing me from the inside out.
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2 comments:
I'm going to try and avoid littering your site with comments, but I just want you to know that you are not alone out there. I've seen a lot of myself in your writings and it's comforting. Sometimes it's easier to talk to complete strangers, because they don't know you. They don't have any previous biases. You can't let them down, because they don't have any expectations. All that said, if you ever need to talk...I'm here.
Thnx. That's why I read your blog now that I've stumbled upon it. Nice to know I'm not the only crazy blogger. =-)
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