Lonely Sunday

I am excessively tired; I can sleep for hours upon hours. I'll wake up and not feel any bit better except that I haven't had to deal with life for the last several hours. I fight the inner voice that pleads to stay in bed and hide under the covers, but most days I can wrangle my way out and hate every step of the way. Work is just far enough of a commute away that there are several points along the way that I could make a u-turn and high tail it home. Some of these days I succeed, and some of them I don't. I used to be a bright, optimistic, looking to the horizon type of person, and now I am just a shell of that former person. The majority of my life has been fine, low key, run of the mill, with a few really unfortunate things sprinkled in there every now and then. My depression and view of my lack luster life is not conducive to the life I've lived. I don't want pity, I don't need my past changed, and I sure as hell don't need someone to tell me how I SHOULD be living, feeling, breathing. I know life isn't fair. I don't want justice changed just for me... I just need the voice in my head not to be so damn negative. I am surrounded by beauty and all I can see is the ugly, the hatred, the dread. You know what I really want? Not that it would make anything better in the long run, but just for a moment, it'd be so great to have one single person know and feel what's in my heart, and stand up and think that I am worthy to be loved, to be protected, defended, and held.