I can fail miserably at things and in my head be able to talk myself through them. Great. I can not STAND myself when I disappoint someone, especially someone who is close to my heart. I wouldn't do anything on purpose, it's those other things that I apparently say and do subconsciously that eeek their way out that kill me. Let me take the one person who believes (believed) in me, let them hear one conversation (not even about them) that I didn't know was being listened to by the outside world. It wasn't mean or hateful about anyone in particular, just a show of my own weakness and the darkness that has invaded my life... now on display... for another to hear. Please cut my tongue out, so the pain and hurt I feel can NOT be translated to words spoken from my mouth. I do not know how to describe how I feel..... sunken. I can't get the tense right. Sank? I've been sunk, I feel sunken...WTF? Sinking??? I just googled that to see what I could find... gave me chills. A sinking ship-- there I am. 
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