Relentless

It's not so much that things have changed recently. Everything is always changing. But I've put up a strong front for so long; it's taking its toll. I'm breaking. Slowly rupturing for the world to see. Melting into a puddle that just can't hide behind the happy face any longer, because I haven't got the strength right now. I haven't got the strength to do a damn thing but sit here and type and make sure one breath after another comes out of this body.

I remember screaming at my dad years ago, "I didn't ask to be here, to be born. I'd rather just die." I meant every word of it. I've never been more truthful and vulnerable. I'll never tell another soul that again, or anything near it cause it hurts too much to try and explain the pain when they just stand there and stare at you with the blank look that just doesn't give a shit.

I have a good life on the outside. A good strategy for deflecting and keeping people beyond my safe barricade. They have no idea. NO IDEA. It's a dark world out there and a dark road that leads to my heart. This is the way I've learned to survive. I'd rather chose to be alone on the inside than try and let anyone in...and fail.

So here I am world. What have you got for me now? It's the rebel in me that's not going to let you take me down.