Success!

I did it. I totally did it. Something completely spontaneous, and not at all something I would normally do. My normal Sunday evening plans were not going to happen tonight. I knew they were put on hold this week, so I took the chance. I left the house a little early so I could get a good cup of chai first. At least that would give me something to set an even keel. Now here's the thing about me and expectations: I hate to expect anything, even little because I'll always be let down... even if I set my sights low. Always let down, always disappointed. I'd rather expect nothing, not put anything out there on the line. And if something great happens- swell. So tonight I'm driving to my destination, after getting my chai, and I text a friend to see if she wanted to be spontaneous with me and meet me in 20 minutes. Just enough time for her to get there if she wanted, and just a smidge of time so that I could convince myself later that she didn't get the message, and therefore not get my feelers hurt. HA! She came, and brought another mutual friend that was with her at the time.

Let me tell you what I enjoy about doing something like this. Besides the two friends who were with me, I was an unknown quantity in this place. I am anonymous. Nobody there knew me, knew my past, knew my present, knew anything. I did steal a quick comment to the friends that I am in the midst of a mid-life-crisis and had to get the hell out of normal daily routine. And though I love them dearly, they kind of chuckled and said "You can't have a mid-life-crisis if you're not mid-life age." I refrained from glaring and feeling hurt and said "I've lived through more than normal people in one life time. I've earned my mid-life-crisis stripes thank you very much." And the hushed. As well they should.

So tonight I was completely intoxicated with new (to me) music, a life blood of sorts that made me feel. FEEL. I have been so determined to NOT FEEL, to live an abbreviated life of sorrow, I forgot that all feelings need not be sad. I have this little glimmer of hope that revealed itself to me tonight. I have to remember this, because I know this latest bout with depression is not a done deal. It's still lingering, that bastard.