I will not be numb

Someone said something to me today that completely caught me off guard. Something about my past that at the time absolutely consumed me, and was so painful that I had since shut it out and put it in the very back of my heart, safe safe safe. Safe from thought, or nit picking, or judgement. I didn't even recognize it when they said it at first. And then it came barrelling back and sat right in front of me and looked me in the eye. I couldn't really speak for a few minutes. I was re-remembering all the details and simultaneously amazed that I had managed to FORGET about it. But in the safety of this conversation, though albeit terribly uncomfortable, I was empowered and encouraged to not just be numb, but ride it out, feel it out, deal with it, process it. Process it with love and hope, not to be ashamed. It is what it is. I lived through it. I tucked it away when I couldn't deal with it. And now, it was safe to haul it back out, lean forward and stare the SOB memory down and deal with it. It has NO power over me anymore. And that feels really, really good.